Sometimes hurricanes knock you down, but they'll always pass

Sometimes all it takes is going back to the start.
Ok I lie
It's not all it takes
It takes a whole lot of self disclipline, self motivation and....mushed in pillows.

So recently all i've been feeling to do is scream with absoloute frustration about how easily I forget things. I mean I have a good short term memory, like pretty good, slightly photographic (luckily) but my long term memory bites ass. I can't seem to retain stuff for longer than a week, if I don't go back over it constantly week in week out-Poof, it's gone. :( FRIGGIN SCHOOl.

I'm very seriously considering taking AS only, then going to college and doing illustration (maybe finishing A2 afterwards) because I'm a all or nothing kind ah gal, and giving my all (and my all knows no limits believe me @_@ ) is so terribly draining for 4 subjects, none of which include my absoloute overall passion (art) so one subject suits me much better.
But this isn't about me, it's about all of you, anyone who happens to venture across this blog whose in a similar situation, so here it is, my advice if you're at that stage where you wanna give up, where you're screaming internally coz you're so damn afraid of failing, where you can't seem to stop thinking doomsday thoughts on an internal loop of hell.

I can't tell you how to feel happier
Or how to get rid of the stress
Or even how to stop feeling so overwhelmed
But I can tell you One little gem of knowledge that's gotten me through( note the word through, not through happily, or away from, just through, which is often the best thing to have as it means you appreciate good stuff all the more once you're through the bad.) Anyway here it is
Nothing in life is permanent
Ok make sense? Sounds a bit random right?
Think of it this way, NOTHING STAYS THE SAME, not you're age (sadly) or a hurricane, or the longest snowstorm ever, not the shape of a mountain, or the pain of death.
So it stands to reason that bad times can't stay the same as well (or good ones)
It  might hurt like hell now, it might be years of suffering, it might take months of stress and anxiety, but eventually that will pass, and it will be replaced with something new, and that something new may not be much better, hell it may even be worse, but that will be replaced to and the worse it gets the more likely it is to end up better. Take a storm, it gets worse and worse and worse but that just means it's likely reaching it's peak and eventually cannot get any worse, in which case it may blow on for a while. But that storm will have to stop, yes leaving behind destruction but also a new foundation to build upon. A town was destroyed but now a better town can be rebuilt. Loved ones lost, but with their loss new life will come.

What I'm trying to say is, the reason I have never considered suicide as a serious option, is because I know that things will change. it's the inevitable course of life, not optimism. Science.
When I'm drowning in sadness I look ahead and remind myself that there will be a moment, even if it's a small one where I feel better, and it's those moments I should cling to as my safety raft.

Think about it, when you're walking a mountain, or slogging it out in a lesson that feels like it's never gonna end, you're having the worst day of your life or you're feeling like you can't walk any further but walking is you're only option, either walk or stay where you are. Suddenly you find yourself at home again, wherever that may be, looking back on the day thinking thank god thats over now. it ends as if waking from a dream. Because there is no possible way that that day would never end, no way you would not end up back home.

It's so rare for someone to never experience not even the slightest moment of happiness in their life. I know my past was difficult, I know compared to some I had it easy and to others I've had it hard, but I can't say I had a bad childhood, In rare cases yes childhood's are bad, but for me mine never felt that way because it was just my life. In that moment and time I didn't know anything else, I didn't know what I was missing, only what I had. I had good moments inevitably and I had horrible ones, but I still had those good times, those great memories. It shaped me into who I am, if I could go back and change anything at all, change my sisters illness, change my awkward younger teen self, stop bad decisions and embarassing moments, I wouldn't at all. Not even for a moment because then I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be wise to other people's problems because of my own, or as certain of who I am, or have the motivation to change myself further. :)
So I guess to sum up.
Nothing is permanent, treat life that way, that way you'll be impermanently happy and impermanently sad.